I’m Mulder You’re Scully

I’m buzzed already which is no surprise but it’s sad because I have been trying (thinking, regretting, promising?) so hard to stay sober. But I excused myself today because tomorrow is going to be pretty rough for me. You see, it’s what would of been my grandmas 92nd birthday but she passed away in December and I’m still raw with pain over it. 

Oh my goodness, how selfish can I be? She was 91, not 41! She had dementia and passed away peaceful in her sleep surrounded by her loved ones. She’s at peace now. I had over 30 wonderful years with her. But I don’t care. I loved her more than anyone I have ever loved and I want her back. Pre dementia, pre nursing home, pre kids and other distractions for me. 

I consider myself to have a strong imagination with a decent memory. Often at night I have difficulty turning my brain off and falling asleep. So I fantasize. Always about being somewhere I can call home but the extent of my fantasy is in the details of where I am. I’m on a spaceship, flying through the Milky Way! I’m at my very own beach house, shaped like a giant clam shell with a huge ceiling skylight where I can see the moon and bookshelves for walls. I’m at a huge mansion with a library and many acres of a personal garden. I add little details until I am lulled to sleep. But since December I have only thought of one place when I close my eyes. My grandparents house in Richmond Hill Queens, where my mother and all my uncles grew up and where I spent years of my childhood. The house was sold when I was 21 but I remember every corner, every piece of furniture like it was sold yesterday. And at night I walk through the doors and remember every little detail, fantasy blurring memory, reality distorted by longing and sadness. 

I have become a doubter in my old age of 32. No religion to connect to. Praying to a God more out of habit than faith. No believe whatsoever of an afterlife. My grandma would dispute this belief. She said my grandfather appeared at the foot of the staircase in Richmond Hill after he died and called her name. She was hit by a car and had an out of body experience. But as for me- nothing. I WANT to believe. But I just can’t. I need proof. My husband is an atheist and he’s seen ghosts (he claims)! Why can’t I see one lousy ghost to let me know there is SOMETHING after this world? We are Mulder (the believer who has never seen anything) and Scully (the doubter kidnapped by aliens). 

Anyway, I often dream of my grandmother. The saddest part is every time I wake up I can’t remember the dream, the conversation, the details. I chalk it up to thinking about that Richmond Hill house as the last thing when I fall asleep. Believers would say she’s making contact in my dreams. But I just can’t bring myself to believe it. Not yet. 

I love you Grandma. I miss you. Happy birthday in Heaven. ❤️


Target annual 70% off clearance toys sale 

So thanks to Instagram I found out that this week clearance toys are up to 70% off!!! I was lured by images of Barbie which my baby girl is obsessed with. My target did not have any barbie on sale but I managed to get almost $200 worth of toys for less than $60. 

Here’s what I picked up.  

A space pod for my cousins kid for $24. This puppy is so big I can live in it. Provided NASA sends me freeze dried ice cream. It was regularly $80. He turns 5 this week so it’s the perfect gift. Providing someone in the house can assemble it. 😜

A ViTech Go Go animals play center for $15, regularly $45. Ages 1 to 5, I think this is going to be a gift for another cousins kid at his first birthday in July (yes I plan ahead like that). 

2 Paw Patrol toys, a Legos set for under a dollar, Sherrif Callie’s horse Sparkey for less than $5, safety knobs for my stove and a fisher price toy for $2. 

I spent $54 and when I added up the original prices it was $168. So basically I spent the cost of the ViTech toy with tax and got the rest free. 


My work week on the 21 Day Fix Diet 10-26 to 10-30

So just to give a little bit of background, I have been utilizing Beachbody’s programs since August and I have lost 30 pounds since then. One of the most popular programs they promote is the 21 day fix and it works. It’s a system of clean eating and portion control based on colored cubes you put food into. But yet when I tell family and friends (some who have even bought the program) they seem to get confused easily so I decided to post my meals here for the week. Here was last weeks breakdown. I hope someone gets some meal planning ideas from it! 

I’m allowed 4 red, 3 green, 2 purple, 2 yellow and 1 blue a day. There’s also an orange but I’m not getting into that because I don’t use seeds or dressings as I didn’t do salad this week. 

Monday through Thursday- breakfast, lunch and snacks were exactly the same. I do this so I can make it all in bulk Sunday. Also it’s good to be repetitive about it. It helps you lose weight. 

Breakfast- 2 egg omelette with feta cheese & bell peppers. One piece of Arnold’s Stone Ground whole wheat bread. This is one red, blue, 1/2 yellow & 1/3 green. (Edit: I count this as a 1/2 yellow, the book considers bread 1 yellow but this particular brand has half the carbs as other brands and it is very low calorie. Plus I’m not eating half a slice of bread for breakfast. This isn’t the Victoria’s Secret Angel diet). 

Snack- Chocolate Shakeology- this is one red and an absolute must because it gives me tons of energy. There is something in it that keeps me going. 

Lunch- chicken noodle soup from the Fixate cookbook. This was 2 green, 1.5 yellow & 1/2 red. The Fixate cookbook is only $20 and wonderful for those on the program. 

Snack- grapes. 1 purple. I’m allowed 2 purple cubes a day but grapes are high in sugar so I only eat one. 

Monday dinner- tilipia with peppers. It’s the frozen kind from Gordans. I was at the vet late. 1 red & 1 green. 

Tuesday dinner- Taco Tuesday! My tacos were made with romaine lettuce cups. And 0% fat Greek Yogurt instead of sour cream. But I used chop meat. No turkey for me tonight. You can’t eat healthy 100% of the time. 1 red 1/2 blue & 1.5 green. 

Wednesday dinner- turkey meatballs and pasta sauce that I made in the electric pressure cooker in about 40 mins from prep to table. My side was zucchini noodles while everyone else had pasta. 2 red, 1 green, 1/3 purple & 1/2 blue. 

Thursday dinner- spicy sausage links with pasta sauce. My side was spaghetti squash while everyone else has pasta. 1.5 red, 1 green, 1/3 purple & 1/2 blue. 

Friday lunch- leftover tacos from Tues, prepared same way minus the yogurt and cheese. 1 red & 1.5 green. 

Friday dinner- steak with a Gorgonzola crust with cauliflower mashed as a side (cauli, garlic, cheese, butter, salt and pepper). And a big glass of wine!  1.5 red, 1 green, 1/2 blue & 1 yellow. 

So every day I didn’t use all my cups and some days I ate more green or red. But I stayed under my yellow (carb) and purple (fruit) limit. And that’s the key to weight loss. I also didn’t have any yellows with dinner except my Friday wine. 

My workouts were Beachbody total cardio and Pilates. On the days I skipped it I deep cleaned my kitchen, bathrooms and the playroom. Housework burns calories! 

If you have any questions please ask! Or comments, suggestions, ideas, feedback ect, all is welcome. 

I ate a Burger King Black Halloween Whopper and it was amazing. Seriously. 

First of all as a disclaimer I would like to note I am on a perpetual diet (21 day fix) and try to avoid fast food like the plague. Because I am a reformed 15 year fast food addict. I fight this battle every single day to stay off fast food. You think I am being dramatic? What the hell is the difference between fast food and drugs? Both will eventually kill you. And at over 600 calories, over 40! grams of fat and 1.5 grams of trans fat the new Halloween Whooper is a testament to that. 

So my husband loves Burger King. If we eat fast food we eat the big BK. Myself, I am McDonalds girl but he calls it the evil empire so I relent and get Whoppers instead of Big Macs and onion rings instead of their magical McD’s fries. Anything to make him happy. Hey he buys me Loubs. 

So today was a day neither one of us had the cooking itch and he suggested a Burger King run so when I rolled up to the drive through I saw Halloween Whoppers!! My favorite holiday now has a friggen burger created for them? Amazing!! Cue mouth watering, diet slaughtering, yummy trans fat goodness with plenty of FD&C colors thrown in. Score!! 

Oh. My. Hoff. (Typo and I’m keeping it). This is redic. There is A1 baked into the bun! And I taste it! It’s smoky and yummy and I hate A1! The bun is as black as heroin out of Mexico. And just as damn addictive. Very bad. Well played Burger King. Available until Halloween is over. 

Thank you umami Gods and Burger King and whoever is the VP of marketing there- you rock! And now I won’t lose a pound this week and I probably shortened my life span by a month. It was worth it. I swear. 


First look at the Zombie Survival box from Fortune Cookie Soap

My Zombie Survival kit arrived today! And it’s small but man do they cram a lot of items in there. And it smells amazing!!! 

Here’s some photos. Reviews of actual items will come later if they turn out to be worthy of reviewing.